


The Short Straw

by Rachel500



Series: Aftershocks [57]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Friendship, S3 Aftershocks, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-01
Updated: 2008-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-20 00:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel500/pseuds/Rachel500
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TAG to Shades of Grey</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Short Straw

The locker room was empty. Jack O'Neill ignored the disappointment that settled into his stomach like sour milk. He refused to acknowledge that he had hoped to find Daniel Jackson waiting for him as the younger man had when Jack had returned after being stuck on Edora. After the smart remark Daniel had made in the corridor about only coming to see Jack because the team had drawn straws and Daniel had lost, he figured the archaeologist was annoyed with him and Jack couldn't blame him. He knew how he'd feel if Daniel had lied to him for the past month and had trampled all over their friendship even if it was because of an undercover operation to bring down a rogue group responsible for a spate of off-world thefts. Sure, he'd understand why the other man would do it but he'd still be pissed at him. He wondered if Daniel would understand at all given the other man's civilian background. Jack sighed. If anyone had drawn the short straw during the whole debacle, Jack felt it had definitely been himself.

He had agreed there was a need to infiltrate the rogue group and bring them down; they were a threat to Earth's security. He had agreed that he was the best candidate to execute the undercover op – he had the right background and skills. He didn't completely agree that he'd had to do it alone with only the tenuous back-up of his CO and an alien. He'd had to hurt his team to keep them out of it and that didn't feel right to Jack. They'd all joined in with Daniel's straw thing and Jack couldn't shake the feeling that it was going to take a lot more than a trite explanation from Hammond and a stumbling apology from himself to make things right again.

He closed the door behind him and headed unthinkingly toward his old locker. He stopped short at the name on the metal door – 'Makepeace'. Damn. Hammond had obviously had his locker removed as part of the op to drive home that Jack was no longer a part of the Stargate programme. It was irrational but the loss of his locker suddenly coalesced into everything Jack had been ordered to give up to pursue the operation; the wave of anger rolled through him like thunder. He drew his fist back and slammed it into the name sign angrily.

'Damn it!'

He collapsed onto the bench, nursing his bruised hand.

'Damn it.' The anger drained away abruptly leaving only overwhelming tiredness and the gut-churning fear that he was never going to put things right with his team. Jack pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He hadn't slept properly for almost a month. Every muscle ached from the tension of having to live a lie; having to risk his life without their back-up. He was tired; too tired to get up and requisition himself a fresh uniform. He'd just sit awhile, rest until the debriefing, Jack mused wearily. He dropped his hands when he heard the locker room door open.

Teal'c entered. His arms were full and he stopped beside Jack to place his burden on the bench; a fresh uniform, some basic toiletries and a bottle of water. Jack grabbed the latter eagerly, gulping back the liquid thirstily.

'I thought that you would require these items.' Teal'c said solemnly. He reached into a pocket and withdrew a key. 'You may have the use of my locker until your own is reinstated.'

Jack stared at the Jaffa and then at the key in Teal'c's large hand. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he reached forward tentatively and took it, clutching it so tightly that the teeth bit into his palm. He met Teal'c's serious dark gaze with one of his own. 'Thanks, Teal'c.' He let out a shaky sigh. 'Where are the others anyway?'

'Daniel Jackson and Major Carter are assisting General Hammond with the Tollan delegation.' Teal'c informed him briskly.

'Are they…' Jack waved the key at Teal'c, 'mad at me?'

'I believe the Tollan are grateful.' Teal'c said deadpan.

'Funny.' Jack pointed the water bottle at him.

Teal'c's expression softened imperceptibly. 'I believe both Major Carter and Daniel Jackson understand the reason for your recent behaviour as do I.' He stated calmly, clasping his hands behind his back. 'However, they have many questions that need to be answered.'

Jack nodded slowly. 'That's fair.' He looked at the Jaffa. 'What about you?'

'I have no questions.' Teal'c replied.

'None?' Jack checked sceptically. 'I mean, I only told you to watch out for them; I didn't explain the rest.'

It had been his one indulgence. It had been Teal'c who had discovered that Makepeace was the SGC inside man of the rogue operation but Jack had kept Teal'c's involvement from Hammond out of a deep gut instinct that it never hurt to have an ace in the hole. In the midst of the insistence that Jack performed the mission alone and Hammond's decision to lull Makepeace into a false sense of security by making him the SG1 leader, Jack had been unable to live with the idea of leaving his team unprotected. But he'd been unsure how much the Asgard were watching and listening and so he'd restricted himself to a subtle parting instruction as Teal'c escorted him off-base, hoping the Jaffa would pick up on the sub-text.

' _Hey, take care of_ _Carter and Daniel for me, will ya? And watch Makepeace's six.'_

'I have no questions, O'Neill.' Teal'c assured him. 'I suspected that such an operation was in progress when you stole the Tollan device.' He looked smugly at Jack. 'Your words merely confirmed it.'

Jack gave a crooked smile. 'Well, thanks.' He sighed and got to his feet. 'I should…' he pointed at the shower.

Teal'c inclined his bald head, the fluorescent lights glinting off the Jaffa brand on his forehead.

Jack watched the Jaffa leave and opened the locker to place the few personal items he had on him inside. He froze. He plucked the picture Teal'c had taped to the inside of the door; it was of SG1 around a camp fire at a nearby lake on Earth. Jack remembered the trip; they had taken it just before their fateful mission to Edora.

Janet Fraiser had wanted to take her adopted daughter, Cassie, up to the lake and hire a rowing boat. SG1 had crashed the party. It had been a fun day topped off by an evening around a camp fire with Teal'c trying to teach Cassie how to sing 'row, row, row your boat'. The picture was a candid shot, Janet or Cassie must have taken at some point as SG1 weren't looking at the camera; they were looking at each other.

Sam sat closely next to a grinning Jack in the middle of the shot. Jack had one arm slung around Daniel's shoulder but his brown eyes were fixed to the Air Force Major who was smiling broadly at something Jack had just said; her beautiful face lit up with happiness. He doubted she had realised one of her hands had rested lightly on his knee. Teal'c stood next to her with his hand on her shoulder; the Jaffa was regarding all of them fondly. Daniel sat next to Jack, an arm around Jack's shoulder, the archaeologist's own intelligent face alive with humour.

Jack gently reattached the picture to the door and briefly touched it. It was a blunt reminder of what he risked losing; not only the friendship and camaraderie but, more importantly, the bond of trust with his team. He only hoped Daniel and Sam would be as quick to forgive him as Teal'c.

He stripped, eagerly divesting himself of the clothes the rogue team had given to him. He walked naked into the shower. The hot stream of water felt good on his skin and he scrubbed until his skin was pink. It helped revive him and he left its warm comfort reluctantly.

He put on the SGC uniform. It was standard issue without his name neatly stencilled above the pocket but it was the same colour that Teal'c had been wearing and it made him feel like he was truly back. He closed the locker and made his way out. Teal'c was waiting for him in the corridor.

'General Hammond has sent word that we are to report for the debriefing as soon as you are ready.' Teal'c informed him. 'The Tollan have left.'

Jack sighed. He shrugged and they set off down the corridor. Teal'c swiped his access card and they entered the elevator and Jack pressed the floor button with a wince. He glanced at his bruised hand and stuffed it in a pocket. Teal'c's eyebrow rose knowingly but he didn't comment. Maybe he should put a visit to the infirmary on the list of things to do, Jack mused.

Sam and Daniel were already seated on one side of the briefing room table along with the General when Teal'c and Jack entered. Major Paul Davis sat opposite Daniel on Hammond's left. Jack made a beeline for the seat next to Sam and Teal'c sat down next to him, leaving the Pentagon man alone on one side of the table.

Hammond cleared his throat. 'I thought it would be useful for all of SG1 to hear the Colonel's debriefing given his actions in the previous days have affected you all.'

'I guess it's better late than never.' Daniel muttered caustically.

Jack hid a smile at the ripple of annoyance that flashed across Hammond's round face. Trust Daniel not to worry about saying what they all felt.

'Colonel.' Hammond prompted him. 'Perhaps you had better begin with the visit from Thor.'

'Sorry to interrupt,' Davis jumped in before Jack could speak, 'but I understood the Colonel's involvement began much earlier.'

'He's right.' Daniel asserted, picking up a pencil and gesturing with it. 'I mean, this all started with the Medronan Touchstone, right? When you realised there was a rogue team operating with the assistance of someone in the SGC through the second Stargate?'

'I don't see the need to retread old ground, Doctor Jackson.' Hammond said stiffly.

'Daniel has a point, sir.' Jack said.

The archaeologist turned to look at Jack in surprise.

Jack shifted to meet Daniel's gaze. 'To be exact, yes, it did start back then. Both General Hammond and I recognised we had a traitor within the SGC. We knew someone had to be feeding the rogue group information about our Stargate schedule.' His eyes held Daniel's. 'You figured it out too.'

Daniel gave a nod of acknowledgement.

'You identified the traitor as Colonel Makepeace.' Davis noted, looking down at his notes.

'No, not straight away.' Jack replied brusquely. 'At first, we only had a list of suspects.'

'So why keep us out of it?' Daniel asked, cutting across Jack unapologetically. 'We could have helped.'

'That was my decision, son.' Hammond said quickly. 'Colonel O'Neill was keen to have your assistance but I felt it was best that the fewer people who were involved the better.' He spread his hands out on the table in front of him. 'The less likely it was that whoever it was wouldn't get tipped off and run.'

'So, you identified Colonel Makepeace later?' Davis clarified.

'We used an incident where Colonel O'Neill had been known to publicly disagree with me to try and draw out the traitor.' Hammond glanced over at the SG1 team. 'We used the absence of the rest of SG1 on a mission to ensure Makepeace felt comfortable at approaching the Colonel one on one.' He looked back at Davis. 'Later, we were able to confirm it was Makepeace, acting in concert with Colonel Maybourne.'

Jack didn't look at Teal'c and decided to change the subject in case anyone asked questions. 'Did anyone get a picture of Maybourne's face when he got picked up?' He smirked. 'I'd like to have been there, seen it for myself.'

A sheepish expression crossed Davis' face. 'I'm afraid Colonel Maybourne eluded the officers sent to arrest him.'

Jack's wide brown eyes flew to Hammond. 'He got away?'

'We've blocked his accounts and we have his description at all airports and border control points.' Davis said swiftly. 'He won't get away, sir.'

'He's gone.' Jack said confidently with disgust, slumping back in the black leather chair.

'Sir?' Davis looked at him inquiringly.

'Guys like Maybourne always have an exit plan.' Jack explained. He knew Maybourne's type; probably money squirreled away into secret accounts, fake identification papers to take him abroad. 'He's gone.'

'Let's hope you're wrong about that, Colonel.' Hammond said authoratively. 'Shall we pick up with your visit from Thor?'

Jack sighed. His finger absently traced the edge of his desk. 'It was just after I returned from Edora.' He waved a hand in the air. 'I woke up with Thor in my room here on base. He told me they had traced a series of thefts back to Earth and threatened to revoke the treaty with us.' He risked a glance at Daniel and Sam. He saw the realisation that he had been approached so quickly after their return from Edora register with them both.

'That would have left us unprotected from a Goa'uld attack.' Sam murmured thoughtfully.

'Thor transported me into the Colonel's room for the discussion.' Hammond explained, picking up where Jack had left off. 'It was clear that their threat was serious.'

'Thor wanted me to clear up the mess. I'd been trapped on Edora during the thefts so I wasn't under suspicion.' Jack continued.

'But we were?' Daniel said incredulously. He gestured at Jack. 'You believed that?'

'No!' Jack immediately denied, returning the archaeologist's outraged glare with one of his own. 'Of course not.'

'Colonel O'Neill did argue for your involvement.' Hammond said quietly. 'However, Thor was insistent that our plan would work better if the Colonel worked alone and I agreed with him.'

'Why?' Daniel asked bluntly.

Jack remained silent, letting the General answer.

'The group had to believe the Colonel was completely isolated.' Hammond said. 'If any of you were seen to still be supporting him, they may have wondered whether his act was just that; an act. Your actions and behaviour had to be exactly what they expected or the whole house of cards could have come tumbling down.'

'We could have pretended the same way Jack did.' Daniel insisted.

'Could you?' Hammond shot back. 'You wouldn't have been tempted to contact the Colonel when he was out of the programme and waiting for them to make their move? Check that he was OK?'

Daniel opened his mouth and closed it again.

'The fact is,' Hammond continued a little calmer, 'we – I – couldn't take the risk. There was too much at stake.' His pale blue eyes flickered to Jack.

'I think we all understand that Earth's security was at risk…' Daniel began pompously.

'Actually, I was thinking about the Colonel's safety.' Hammond interrupted the archaeologist briskly. 'If Colonel O'Neill's cover had been blown, there was no doubt in my mind they would not have hesitated to eliminate him.'

Sam frowned and her blue eyes caught Jack's worriedly.

He looked back at her, trying to reassure her without words that it hadn't happened; he was fine.

'It wasn't an easy decision to take especially given the Colonel's own assurances that he would prefer to have your support,' Hammond said quietly, 'and given how close I know you are as a team. But I stand by it.'

Jack watched his team assimilate the General's assumption of responsibility. He felt a wave of appreciation for his CO; Hammond had absolved the Colonel of any involvement in the decision to keep his team from participating in the undercover operation. He cleared his own throat and shifted to lean across the table.

'We also had no way of knowing how closely the Asgard were watching.' Jack pointed out.

'You were worried they would consider that you had broken the agreement on how to resolve the situation if you involved us covertly.' Daniel concluded. His blue eyes were bright with the dawning comprehension about why Jack hadn't gone against his orders and told the team anyway.

'Sir,' Davis broke in, 'you say the Asgard visited you and General Hammond agreed on the approach. After that?'

'General Hammond informed me that both the Tollan and the Tok'ra had approached him in recent weeks regarding thefts. We knew we had a unique opportunity after my time on Edora to make my…change of heart look real.' Jack shifted uncomfortably and kept his eyes pinned to the Pentagon's liaison to the SGC. 'I knew that the quickest way to win the trust of the rogues was to steal something.'

'So you set up the incident with the Tollan.' Davis noted.

'Yes.' Jack glanced at Daniel. 'They told me which device to steal.' He nodded at Hammond. 'General Hammond and I had worked out a script for when I got back to base. I confessed; he offered me retirement; I left.' He stared at the shining table top aware he had omitted how rude and brusque he had been with his team on his way out.

'And then you waited for them to make contact.' Davis made a notation in the folder in front of him.

'My house was bugged.' Jack informed him. 'I was under surveillance.' He caught Daniel's surprise out of the corner of his eye. 'I knew it was only a matter of time before they showed up.' He took a breath. 'It was Maybourne.'

'Colonel Maybourne approached you?' Davis repeated.

'Yes.' Jack nodded. 'He turned up at my house and offered me a deal.' He mimed quotation marks around the last word. 'I waited a week and called him back.'

'And?' Davis prompted.

'He took me on a little trip. Filled me in on the details.' Jack said succinctly. 'All I had to do was find a way off world.'

'Edora.' Daniel said with startled realisation. 'So that's why you asked to go back to Edora.'

'I gated there, dialled the address Maybourne had given me. I met the team, said a few pleasantries and went out on a mission to steal something.' Jack said crisply.

'The Asgard cloaking device.' Davis said.

'It was small enough that they figured they could get it back through their contact.' Jack stated.

'Colonel Makepeace.' Sam murmured.

'Exactly.' Jack said. 'When Maybourne contacted the group with the rendezvous details, I took the assignment. I gated to a world and dropped the device as instructed. I hid in the undergrowth as the SG team came through.' He glanced at his team. 'It was SG1.' He wet his lips. 'When they left the immediate area, I contacted the Asgard and informed them of where I was. I waited and observed Makepeace picking up the device. As soon as SG1 gated back to Earth, I dialled back to the rogue base.' He tapped the table. 'The Asgard followed. They started retrieving the stolen merchandise there; I opened up a wormhole to the SGC.'

'We had been contacted by the Asgard and were ready.' Hammond said formally, completing the report. 'We arrested the individuals as they came through.'

'And I arrested Makepeace.' Jack finished. 'That's it.' He sneaked a look at his team. Teal'c had listened calmly throughout the report and nodded as though to agree it had confirmed his own conclusions. Sam seemed thoughtful; Daniel looked antsy.

'OK. And you say the President was apprised of the situation and mission throughout?' Davis addressed his question to the General who nodded in agreement. 'Well,' He continued, 'I think this should suffice.'

'Good.' Hammond said firmly. 'Colonel, you should report to the infirmary.'

Jack nodded and pushed his hands through his silver hair.

Hammond stood up. Sam hastily followed with Davis; Jack got up at a more relaxed pace.

'That'll be all, people.' Hammond's gaze landed on SG1. 'Let's put this behind us and move on.' He left briskly.

Davis flipped his folder shut. He suddenly seemed to clue into the tension between the SG1 team-mates. 'Well, I'll, uh,' he pointed over his shoulder and departed, leaving Jack alone with his team.

'So.' Jack said loudly into the silence. 'I should go to the infirmary. I'll catch you later.' He waved his bruised hand in the general direction of the door before he turned abruptly and walked out.

Daniel caught up with him at the elevator. The two men stepped into the small compartment together.

Jack peeked at Daniel. The archaeologist was staring at the floor counter. He turned his attention to the floor and missed Daniel's own glance towards him. The next time their gazes collided before both men snapped their heads forward.

'Look,' Jack began determinedly, 'I'm not apologising again.'

'I'm not asking you to.' Daniel said, wrapping his arms around his torso.

'So, what?' Jack asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants. 'You draw the short straw again?'

Daniel sighed and looked down at the floor. 'I'm, uh, sorry about that.'

Jack shrugged. 'I understand you're pissed at me, Daniel. I would be pissed at me too.'

'I am pissed at you.' Daniel said bluntly.

Jack was taken aback; his brown eyes widened a little. He hadn't really expected Daniel to confirm it. 'OK,' he said slowly, 'you're pissed at me.'

'I understand why you did what you did,' Daniel explained. 'I mean, about Earth's security, keeping your cover, all of that. I get how important it was.'

'Well, great.' Jack commented sarcastically.

Daniel glared at him. 'I don't understand why you did it the way you did it.'

Jack stared at him confused. 'They were bugging my…'

'I know all that.' Daniel said heatedly, waving his hand at Jack.

'Then what's the problem?' Jack snapped frustrated.

'You!' Daniel said loudly.

The elevator doors slid open. Both men turned to glare at the waiting man.

Sergeant Siler looked back at them. He gestured with his wrench. 'I'll, uh, take the stairs.'

The elevators doors slid shut.

Jack reached over and pressed the floor for the infirmary again. His jaw tensed tightly.

'Jack,' Daniel sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose, 'you can't just expect to do what you did and expect us to pretend like it never happened.'

'Actually, that's exactly what I expect you to do.' Jack bit out. 'It wasn't like any of this was my choice.'

'You chose the way you did it.' Daniel repeated.

'What exactly was I supposed to do?' Jack retorted.

'You told me we didn't have a friendship, Jack. That the last three years I didn't know you at all!' Daniel shot back, his voice rising. 'Do you have any idea…' he stopped abruptly and turned away.

The elevator arrived at the right floor and Jack ignored it. He looked at the younger man; the hurt he'd caused was visible in Daniel's blue eyes.

'What do you want me to say, Daniel?' There was an edge of desperation in Jack's voice as it rose in frustration and fear. 'I did what I needed to do to get the job done.'

'Did you think about how it was going to affect us at all?' Daniel demanded.

'No, Daniel, I didn't give you all a second thought!' Jack yelled. 'What the hell do you think?' His voice cracked, the strain of the past week descending full force.

The two men stared at each other; blue eyes into brown.

Jack heart's pounded uncomfortably fast. He took a deep breath. 'Are we going to be OK?'

Daniel looked back at him solemnly. 'I don't know.' He replied honestly.

Jack nodded slowly. He pressed the button for the doors and they slid open. He stepped out onto the infirmary floor; behind him he heard the doors slid shut and the elevator leave. He stared up at the corridor ceiling and wondered whether Janet Fraiser had anything to mend a broken friendship.

o-O-o

Daniel walked along the corridor, not entirely conscious of where he was headed. He was inside his office before he realised he had retreated to the small room on automatic pilot. He closed the door behind him and stood for a long moment in the centre of the room. His eyes drifted over the stacked work and artefacts waiting for his attention. He ignored it all as his gaze fell on the photo of his wife.

He walked over to it and picked it up, his thumb stroking over the image. He sighed and, holding the picture, sank to sit on the floor, his back resting against the bookcase. He missed her. The ache stayed with him constantly; a reminder of what he had lost. He leaned his head back against a shelf and closed his eyes.

He hadn't meant to argue with Jack, Daniel mused wearily. He'd gone after him to keep him company in the infirmary and take him to the commissary afterwards to meet up with Sam and Teal'c. His fingers tightened on the picture frame as guilt swamped him. Jack had no idea that the rest of the team was waiting for him. He sighed. He wasn't even sure why he had argued with Jack.

Hurt.

The single word whispered through his mind. He was hurt. Pure and simple. Hurt because Jack had pretended they didn't have a friendship; that Daniel hadn't known the older man at all. Daniel didn't want to admit it but the other man's seemingly callous dismissal of their relationship had ripped his insides out. His friendship with Jack was something he treasured. He knew they had their differences, that they could disagree about everything from the best way to handle a mission to what to have for breakfast but he had always believed what Jack had said to him once; that they agreed on the important stuff. The idea that he had been wrong about that; about how important their friendship was to the other man had shaken Daniel to his core.

Daniel opened his eyes and stared down at the picture of his late wife. The first time he had felt like he belonged anywhere had been with Sha're. When he had lost her, he had felt adrift and it had been Jack who had anchored him. The military man had helped him gain his place on SG1, and given him a focus. The search for Sha're and Skaara had given Daniel a purpose but more than that being part of SG1, being part of their team had given him a sense of belonging again. Jack's sudden claim that Daniel didn't know him and that their friendship had no foundation, had shattered that feeling. He yearned to turn the clock back; to be on Abydos with Sha're; to keep the damned gate buried; to belong somewhere.

Grief cut into him sharply and he ignored the tears pressing against the back of his throat and eyes.

Knowing Jack hadn't meant what he'd said, had only done it to protect Earth didn't really make him feel better, Daniel considered wryly. The fact that the military man had been capable of making Daniel doubt their friendship in order to perform his mission just made Daniel truly doubt whether he really knew Jack, whether their friendship really did have a solid foundation. He would never have been able to do what Jack had done if their positions had been reversed. But therein was probably the reason why it had been Jack who had been given the mission in the first place and why he had evidently been considered a risk, he thought with a heavy sigh.

It irked Daniel that he hadn't been trusted; more it _hurt_ him that he hadn't been trusted. Intellectually, he understood why they'd be kept out of it at the beginning and even in the middle; drawing out the mole within the SGC was risky and Daniel could accept that Makepeace would never have fallen for the idea that the whole of SG1 had suddenly changed their ethics. He also knew Jack was the best candidate to do that as someone on the edge of that ethical argument. Jack's proclamation in the gate room to Makepeace that they needed their allies; that they didn't need their stuff – well, Daniel could have uttered those words himself but he knew if their allies offered them weapons technology, Jack would be the first to willing accept it. But keeping them out of the recent mission…Daniel didn't understand that, even if their only role had been to play along with Jack's act and watch Makepeace. It didn't really help that the General had confirmed that it had been entirely his decision; that Jack had wanted them on board. Ultimately, Jack had gone along with it.

Jack had no choice, Daniel's inner voice informed him again. The Asgard had been watching; Maybourne and his dodgy cohorts had been watching. If Jack had brought them into it, the Asgard might have revoked the treaty anywhere because of that breach of trust, or Jack's cover might have been blown and he would have ended up hurt. Silently, Daniel admitted that he could see why Jack had kept them out of it. The risks had been too great.

There was a soft knock at the door.

Daniel ignored it. He didn't really want to talk to anyone, see anyone.

The door opened anyway as Sam poked her head in. Daniel saw the instant she registered where he was. He sighed as she entered, closing the door behind her. He set aside Sha're's picture as Sam crossed the office and sat down beside him on the floor. She didn't say anything.

'We argued.' Daniel explained eventually. 'We were in the elevator…and we argued.' He let his head fall back against the bookcase and looked up at the grey office ceiling.

'We stopped by the infirmary when you didn't show up in the mess.' Sam said softly.

'How is he?' Daniel asked, feeling guilty again for abandoning Jack.

'Janet said the Colonel was fine.' Sam assured him. 'He wasn't there. He got summoned to General Hammond's office for a call with the Pentagon and the President.'

'Oh.' Daniel blinked.

Sam wrapped her arms around her knees. 'You want to talk about it?' She asked bluntly.

'Not really.' Daniel admitted. He tilted his head and looked at her. 'How do you do it?'

'What?' Sam asked bemused.

'Just accept what he did.' Daniel expanded. 'I mean, you have to be mad at him too.' He didn't know exactly what Jack had said to Sam but whatever he had said had caused the Major to firmly refuse to go and see him when they had discussed checking on him after he had supposedly retired. She had claimed that Jack had made it obvious that she was the last person he would want to see.

Then, there had been Jack's ruse of going back to Edora and Laira…he suspected that Sam had been very hurt by that. Not only had it suggested that the months she had worked tirelessly to bring home had been for nothing but he knew Sam had feelings for Jack. Seeing him leave Earth for another woman had to have been hard. He'd been impressed that she had stood in the gate room to say goodbye to him – not that Jack had said very much.

It had been Hammond, Daniel remembered, who had called them all to the briefing room and told them that Jack had been granted permission to retire to Edora and he was in the gate room if they wanted to say goodbye. For a moment, Sam had looked totally crushed. But she had followed Teal'c and Hammond down to the Stargate. Daniel had watched from the control room. From what he had seen, Jack had barely acknowledged his team-mates.

'I'm not mad at him.' Sam's soft words regained his attention. Her blue eyes flickered to Daniel's. 'He was ordered to take the mission and ordered to keep us out of it. He didn't have a choice.'

'He didn't have to do it the way he did.' Daniel objected. He crossed his arms over his chest, unaware his face had taken on a mulish expression.

Sam sighed. 'I think he knew the only way to keep us out of it was to…'

'Hurt us?' Daniel remarked sharply.

She flinched a little.

'Because he hurt you, didn't he?' Daniel pressed.

Sam looked down at the floor. 'Daniel, he did what he had to do. If he hadn't pushed us away from him in the way that he did, we would have tried harder to find out what was wrong with him, maybe even worked out the scam ourselves. I think he knew that.' Her eyes flickered up to him ruefully. 'I was going to go see him anyway.' She confessed.

'You were?'

She nodded. 'I'd decided I was going to go see him after my shift just before the General called us into tell us about him going to Edora.' She shrugged as though dismissing her decision as unimportant. Her fingers pulled nervously at her laces.

Daniel didn't know what to say to her. He sighed, returning to his own hurt. 'I just don't think I could do what he did.'

'I don't think it was easy for him, Daniel.' Sam murmured.

'It seemed like it was.' Daniel muttered. 'I think that's what bothers me most. I mean, we're supposed to be close, friends, so how could he do it? How could he say what he did to me?'

'You are close; we all are,' Sam corrected him with a sigh, 'and that means there are going to be times when we have to make some hard decisions.'

His gaze snapped to her inquisitively.

'I've just been thinking about it lately.' She admitted.

'Why?' Daniel blurted out.

Sam hugged her knees to her chest. 'Because I didn't think I could make the same decision to leave someone – one of you – behind like I did with the Colonel on Edora, knowing I might be condemning them to being stuck there.'

'That wasn't your fault.' Daniel said quickly. 'You had no choice.'

'That was what the Colonel said.' Sam said with a small smile. 'But you know those kind of decisions aren't easy, Daniel, especially when they involve someone you care about and the Colonel has to make them all the time about us.' She stared away into the distance. 'You know one day he might have to decide whether to kill one of us or simply let one of us die to save Earth.' She sighed heavily. 'I'm still not sure that I could make that decision.'

Daniel quietly turned over her words in his head. Jack was their team leader and Sam was right, the hard decisions usually fell on him. If it came down to protecting Earth or choosing to hurt a friend…was there really any choice? He sighed. 'It still hurts.'

Sam smiled painfully. 'I know.' She reached out and clasped his hand. 'But I think it hurt him too.'

Daniel nodded.

'We should probably go find him.' Sam suggested.

'Actually,' Daniel said slowly, 'I have a better idea.'

o-O-o

Hammond hung up the phone with a tired sigh and looked across his desk at the weary Colonel slumped in one of the visitor chairs there. The toll that the undercover mission had taken on Jack was evident in the deep lines and dark shadows on the other man's face. His own face softened in response. 'I'd just like to repeat the President's words, Jack. You did a great job.'

'Yeah,' Jack agreed sarcastically, 'great.'

Hammond's pale blue eyes narrowed. 'We've got them, Colonel.'

'We got some of them.' Jack corrected him. 'The base I was on was only one of many.'

'Maybe but we got some major players.' Hammond said, stabbing the desk. 'We hurt their operation with what we did today and with the ones we have in custody we can start dismantling the rest.'

Jack shrugged.

Hammond looked at him concerned. The Colonel was usually cynical but his whole demeanour spoke of a deeper issue. 'What's on your mind, Colonel?'

Jack shifted restlessly in his chair. He sighed. 'I just hope it was worth it.'

'We restored our allies' faith in our integrity.' Hammond said quietly. 'We ensured that we maintained our treaty with the Asgard protecting Earth. That has to be worth it.'

Jack was silent.

'Your team will come round, Colonel.' Hammond assured him, guessing at the true cause of the other man's disquiet.

'They're pissed at me,' Jack retorted bluntly. For a brief moment his anxiety that he had hurt his team too much for them to forgive him shone from his brown eyes before he was able to mask his emotions again.

Hammond felt the first real stirrings of worry. He had known he was taking a risk with his flagship team by insisting Jack perform the mission without involving the rest of them. He had told the truth in the briefing; he had felt the operation to take out the rogue's had a better chance of success by allowing SG1 to react to Jack's behaviour naturally; had believed that Jack would conversely be safer without the team worrying about him and checking he was OK, putting his cover at risk. But he also knew that the Colonel's behaviour would affect them. He had counted on their close bond to get them over any discontent about Jack's solo mission. He'd hoped his assumption of responsibility would have absolved Jack and allowed them to move forward.

'I could speak with them.' Hammond offered. 'Explain my reasons for them being out of this one again.'

Jack sighed. 'It's not about that.' He admitted reluctantly.

Hammond raised his thin eyebrows in inquiry.

The Colonel's gaze dropped to his hands before he raised it again to meet Hammond's with a trace of defensive defiance. 'I had to say…some things, sir. To keep it them completely out of it.'

Hammond assimilated Jack's confession. 'I see.' He should have known, he berated himself. SG1 were very close as a team; he should have realised Jack would have had to take extreme measures to stop them from getting too close to him during his undercover operation. Hammond believed it was SG1's closeness and their unique combination of talents which was the reason why they were so successful; why they had managed to save Earth as many times as they had. If Jack's actions to ensure his team-mates had been kept out of it had hurt that dynamic…Hammond sighed.

'They'll forgive you, Jack.' Hammond assured him gently.

'Maybe.' Jack allowed. He left unspoken whether they would ever trust him the same way again unspoken.

'You should get yourself home and rest.' Hammond suggested.

Jack nodded and pushed himself out of the chair.

Hammond watched him leave with a sinking heart. His initial pleasure at the success of the operation fading under the weight of worry and recrimination that descended upon his shoulders. Had he just destroyed SG1? Had he gained the destruction of the rogue operation at the cost of the best chance they had to defeat the Goa'uld? Hammond closed his eyes. He couldn't undo the decision he had made; all he could do was pray and trust that the closeness that had caused Jack to have to push his team-mates away, would bring the team back together again.

o-O-o

Jack made his way to Daniel's office with some trepidation. He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing approaching the archaeologist so soon after their run-in but he figured he needed to make the effort. He had caused the rift between them deliberately; he could hardly blame the other man for still feeling the hurt Jack had caused. All he could do, Jack mused, was try and repair the damage; he just hoped Daniel was willing to try with him. He was hungry and he figured an invitation for some pizza, beer…maybe a movie might be a good move in the right direction – if Daniel accepted it.

He was surprised to find the office dark and empty. He entered and tapped the central bench lightly. He wandered over to Sha're's picture on the side bench and picked it up with a bandaged hand. He felt another wave of guilt. He knew Daniel was still grieving for his wife. How to kick someone when they were down, Jack mused. He sighed and replaced the picture.

It was possible Daniel was simply working on something; maybe with Sam, he considered. He probably had some apologising to do there too, Jack remembered the harsh tone and the words he had used to push her away. _'No, Carter. I haven't been acting like myself since I met you; now, I'm acting like myself.'_ The sad thing was, Jack thought as he headed out to her lab, that it was the truth. Only he had made it sound like it was a bad thing when in fact Jack considered it to be the best thing that had happened to him since his son's death.

He wasn't sure when he'd slipped over the line with Sam. Somewhere, somehow his attraction to her had become much more; his caring for her as a team-mate had evolved into the love of a man for a woman. He had realised just how much he loved her when she had been taken as the unwilling host of a Tok'ra symbiote. He had never thought she might feel the same but after his return from Edora, on hearing how she had worked to rescue him – that she had effectively rewritten Earth's understanding of particle physics in order to bring him home – he had started to hope that she might have started to care about him a little bit more than she should too. He sighed as he rounded the corner. That was if his recent act hadn't destroyed whatever she had started to feel completely.

And if she did feel the same way?

The question drifted through his tired brain seductively. If she did feel the same way…he sighed. They would still be CO and subordinate; restricted by the regulations. He pushed the problem to the back of his mind; he had a feeling he had a lot of making up to do with Sam before that even became an issue.

He knocked on the door of her lab and tried the door. It was locked. He used his new access card to enter and frowned as he took in the dark space. It appeared Sam had taken off for the day along with Daniel. He pushed his hand through his hair, frustrated. He left before he gave into the urge to wreck something in the lab.

Jack walked through the base checking the usual places that the team hung out. When he checked Teal'c's quarters and found them empty, he figured they had decided to give him a taste of his own medicine like they had with the straw story. Fine, he thought harshly, trying to ignore the un-soldier like urge to throw a temper tantrum and start weeping. He was tired and hungry; he'd order a pizza, watch a hockey game. Forget about everything for a night; tackle his team in the morning. He arranged for a car to drive him home and sat sullenly in the passenger seat. Eventually, he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep to avoid conversation.

'Sir?'

'Huh?' Jack opened his eyes at the driver's quiet prompt. He stared at his house. 'Right.' His gaze suddenly snapped to the other two cars in the driveway; Carter's Volvo sat beside Daniel's. His eyes widened. 'Thanks for the ride, Airman.'

'Pleasure, sir.'

Jack slammed the car door shut and tried to ignore his rising hope as the base car left. His nose wrinkled; smoke. He followed the smell to his backyard.

'I do not believe it is supposed to be burning in this manner, Daniel Jackson.' Teal'c said with concern.

'It's always like this.' Daniel said defensively.

'He's right.' Sam said. 'I don't think it should be burning like that.'

Jack cleared his throat.

They all turned to look at him.

Sam smiled tentatively. 'We thought you might appreciate a barbeque, sir.'

'Sounds good.' He said gruffly, climbing the steps to his deck.

'It was Daniel Jackson's idea.' Teal'c said, moving aside to make room for Jack to sit on the bench.

Sam touched Teal'c's arm. 'Why don't you come inside and help me with the salad?'

Teal'c cocked an eyebrow but went with her.

Jack watched them disappear inside; he turned to look at Daniel and their eyes met in rueful amusement. 'Subtle.' Jack commented.

Daniel reached down and plucked a bottle of beer from the cool box beside him. He offered it to Jack.

'I thought you didn't like beer.' Jack said, taking the bottle and opening it. He took a big gulp, guessing he would need it.

'I seem to be acquiring a taste for it.' Daniel replied. He looked at Jack warily. His blue eyes caught the other man's steady gaze. 'I guess it's worth the occasional headache.'

'We're not talking about the beer, are we?' Jack checked.

'No.' Daniel stared at the bottle in his hand. 'We're not.'

'So…' Jack prompted, his thumb rubbing over the lip of the beer bottle as he shot the archaeologist a questioning glance.

'So, I talked to Sam.' Daniel said, fiddling with his glasses as he leaned on the railing.

Jack was taken aback. 'Carter?'

'I guess I've never appreciated how difficult some of the decisions that you guys have to make are personally. I mean, I _knew_ but I didn't _know_ , you know.' Daniel said quietly.

'I know.' Jack replied, feeling the tension in his gut ease at the understanding on the younger man's face. He took another gulp of his beer.

'We're going to be OK, Jack.' Daniel said, answering the military man's earlier question. His blue eyes held Jack's. 'But it's going to take time. I just can't pretend nothing happened.'

Jack pulled a face but nodded. 'That's fair.'

Daniel took a gulp of the beer he held and grimaced.

Jack hid a smile and looked toward his house where he could hear the faint sound of crockery.

'You should go talk to her.'

His head snapped back to Daniel.

'You should talk to her.' Daniel repeated.

Jack suddenly wondered whether Daniel knew how he felt about Sam. He examined the archaeologist's earnest expression but couldn't tell with any certainty and there was no way he was asking. Jack almost downed the rest of his bottle and set it aside. He stood up and made his way into his house. Sam was in the kitchen showing Teal'c how to chop vegetables. Jack watched in amusement as the Jaffa complained that his knife was too small.

'Why don't I take over here, Teal'c?' Jack suggested. 'You go and make sure Daniel doesn't burn down my backyard.'

Teal'c solemnly handed him his knife with a bow. Jack took it and took Teal'c's place beside Sam at the counter. She handed him some celery.

'Celery?' He asked a little incredulously.

She shot him a look.

'Right.' He checked surreptitiously at how she was chopping the cucumber and began to roughly chop the vegetable into the same size pieces. 'I think I owe you a thank you.'

She glanced at him, a question in her blue eyes.

'For whatever you said to Daniel.' Jack expanded.

Sam shrugged. 'That's OK, sir.'

'I, uh, also owe you an apology.' Jack stopped chopping and turned to her. 'For what I said to you in the corridor.'

She kept chopping. 'I understand.'

'I know,' Jack said softly, 'and I appreciate that you understand why I said it but I, uh, I want you to know that I'm sorry.' His brown eyes held hers as she stopped chopping and turned to look at him. 'I hated doing it.'

'Apology accepted.' Sam nudged him. 'That celery won't chop itself.'

He gave her a mock salute. 'Yes, ma'am.'

'So, you're really thinking of retiring to Edora? I mean, when you finally do retire.' Sam asked as she squeezed a bottle dressing over the salad and tossed it.

Jack glanced at her; she was studiously tossing the salad as though her life depended on it. 'Not really.' He said, returning his own gaze to the mangled celery in front of him. 'There's no reason for me to go back.'

'But I thought…' Sam stumbled to a halt and when he looked at her questioningly, she held up a hand. 'Sorry, sir. It's none of my business.'

She had thought he was with Laira, Jack mused, and maybe she was a little jealous. 'Don't worry about it, Carter.' Jack said out loud. He waved his knife at her. 'I'm not planning to go back to Edora.' He kept her gaze firmly. 'I'm happy to be home.'

Sam smiled. 'We're happy to have you back, sir.' She gestured at the celery. 'I think that should be plenty.'

Jack happily added it to the salad and they walked out to rejoin the others.

Daniel poked a blackened burger. 'I, uh, think this is done.' He flipped it into a bun and handed it to Jack.

The Colonel took it with a muttered word of thanks and attempted a bite. 'It's good,' he said around a mouthful of bread and meat.

Daniel's face brightened and he handed out burgers to the rest of the team. The archaeologist took an enthusiastic bite and chewed. He swallowed with difficulty. He looked at Sam who was hurriedly reaching for her drink and Jack who was still chewing his first bite. 'It's inedible, isn't it?' He sighed.

Jack shot Sam a look and she sighed.

'Yeah,' she said, 'it is pretty awful, Daniel. Sorry.'

Jack abandoned his own burger swiftly. 'Sorry, Daniel.'

'That's OK.' Daniel said, waving his beer at them.

The three of them looked at Teal'c who was eating with gusto.

'I do not know what you dislike about this food.' Teal'c said. 'This is most enjoyable, Daniel Jackson.'

Jack shared an amused look with Sam and Daniel; he felt the knots loosen in his shoulders and his belly. 'Pizza?'

'Yeah.' Daniel pushed off the railing. 'I'll go call them.'

Jack settled back on the bench next to Sam and looked up at the darkening sky. He closed his eyes tiredly, the strain and the stress of the weeks following his return from Edora falling away from him. He could hear Daniel putting in the food order, Sam teasing Teal'c about liking the burgers. Like Daniel had said, it would take time to put it completely behind them but they would get there. Jack didn't doubt it. It was going to be OK, Jack thought with weary satisfaction; he had his team. He was finally home.

fin.


End file.
